By Sharon Pearson, CEO, The Coaching Institute
The only guarantees in life are how we choose to conduct ourselves, who we choose to be, & what we commit to do.
(1) How we conduct ourselves is about the virtues we choose to embody on a daily basis. To create your code of conduct, ask yourself:
What emotional states am I committed to practicing & living today?
What standards do I choose to hold myself up to, regardless of what happens?
For example, you might choose to be:
How do you choose to conduct yourself? Regardless of the events around you, or the choices other people make, what standards do you choose to live by?
(2)Who we choose to be is asking ourselves what we believe in, what we value & what our rules are for living our lives. Most people are unaware of the beliefs, values & rules that they possess, yet it is these qualities that determine whether or not we are fulfilled, they govern the choices we make, determine who we will be attracted to, who we will aspire to be, & how we live our lives.
To explore your beliefs, finish these sentences:
|I believe success takes...
My life is...
|When I fail I believe...
When I succeed I believe...
To be healthy I believe...
To be happy is...
Now ask yourself, do your beliefs serve & support you? Or are they contributing to holding you back?
If they don’t support you, what beliefs would? Write down three or four beliefs that you know would support you as you live your life. Remember, there is no right or wrong with this, only what we choose to believe is true.
For example, one client did the above exercise & discovered she believed that love was difficult & unsafe. When she looked at this belief she realised that it had kept her in emotionally unsafe relationships for years. She chose instead to believe that 'I deserve love...’ To live up to this belief, the (now) ex-boyfriend had to go. Now she’s in a relationship with someone who values her, rather than belittles her.
Our values are the emotions that are most important to us. For example, which of the following emotions do you want to feel on a consistent basis?
Which of these is most important to you?
Now, ask yourself... what do I need to do to feel these emotions? For example, what do you need to do to feel love? These are the rules we have about what needs to happen for us to experience our desired emotions.
Our rules can support us... to feel freedom I need to work for myself in a business that I love & is fun... or they can hold us back... to feel freedom no one can ever tell me what to do, so I can never work in a team.
What are your rules?
(3)What we commit to do is where the rubber meets the road. It’s our actions that will propel us towards our desired outcomes. Thinking about it, planning it, wondering about it are all part of the process, but not the whole package.
You must act. Without action, there’s too much room for fear & doubt. Have you ever thought ‘I’d like to do that’ about something that was challenging, then had too much time to think about it? What did you focus on? How easy it would be? Or on what could go wrong?
How many times did the fear stop you?
Commitment to action is the only way to move us to where we want to be. Action becomes a habit. The more we do it, the more we get used to it, the easier it becomes, even with the challenging stuff.
What are three actions you could commit to today, that would propel you towards your desired outcomes? If you want more joy in your life, what is something that you could do today that would have you smiling? It doesn’t have to be a huge step. It can be a little something that allows you a secret smile of pleasure...
The quality of our lives is determined by how we choose to conduct ourselves, what we choose to believe in & value, & what we commit to do. We have the power to choose any & all of these things. This is the most valuable power there is. The freedom to choose, in an instant, who we want to be.