To know how to coach with love it's important to understand an interesting thing about where we all started. That part of our journey is integral to where we are now.
The Imprint Period
Between zero and seven, we form really major beliefs about ourselves and the world around us.
And at the same time in this vital part of our lives, we're also what's called egocentric.
That means we think the world revolves around us. I'm sure you've seen this with children. Kids think the world revolves around them, and at that age it kind of does, and it kind of should.
One of the things about egocentricity is we ultimately take responsibility for everything. And so when a child is growing up between zero and seven, things happen. Maybe a parent is away a lot. Maybe a parent is going through a challenge and is emotionally unavailable. Maybe there's a world change which is creating ripples
Whatever it is, ultimately at some level—usually deeply inside someone's unconscious, in their subconscious mind—they take responsibility for the things happening outside of them.
And ultimately beliefs can form that prevent love from coming in.
For example, I'll only be loved if I achieve.
I'll only be loved if I look a certain way or act a certain way.
Or maybe the perception is that love was withheld from someone at a really early age and the child will think, 'That was my fault. Did I cause that? Maybe there's something wrong with me.'
And as a result, we start to form these negative beliefs that push love out of our lives.
When I'm working with a client it's really important to have these ideas in mind, because ultimately my job is to create a space for my client to learn to open back up and love again.