Journey to Self Love and Self Trust
It was only probably in the last maybe month that the penny dropped, that "I've got to start trusting myself," and that I'm okay, and that whatever happens I can handle it. I'm actually going to be all right
What was happening in your world? What were you, where were you at before you came and you did your Foundations training? What was life like?
Yeah, wow. I had just ended my third dysfunctional relationship in about 18 months, and I'd taken off about two weeks from work 'cause my manager thought I had depression, which I didn't have, I was just trying to sort stuff out.
I realized something wasn't right and work wasn't going well. I was just putting all my energy into my training and I was just trying to fill a void, and I realized something had to shift. So, it was just yeah, something had to shift.
"For so long, I've been saying, especially to my family, who I felt had a level of, it was their level of care but I felt a level of judgment of, "She's just failed another relationship," and that's how I felt. So, to be able to kind of take away that message of, "No, I'm just constantly learning, but I still have to change 'cause I just can't keep going down these same tracks."
I know you came and you did your Foundations training, but how did you, what was the step that you took to explore it?
What was going on in my life at that point reminded me of something that was happening similarly about five years earlier, and that was I was attracting a certain person in my life because that's where I viewed myself.
And the same thing was happening five years earlier, and at that point in time five years earlier, I was like, "I've got to do something about this," and I did.
And then I realized, "Okay, this is happening again."
So, I thought, "I've got to do something. There's got to be more for me to explore about myself."
So, I was speaking to my brother-in-law and he sent me a link to one of your amazing weekends, so I attended and I signed up that weekend.
So, when I first saw, when I got onto the coaching institute's page, it was just everything resonated with me. It was, I could see a lot of personal development coming through, there was the business side of things.
I had already had thoughts that I might like to get into coaching at some point. So, it was kind of just perfect timing.
What was key that you really learnt about you coming along to your Foundations training?
Wow. Okay, so I would say the key learning that I had out of Foundations training definitely would have been there's no such thing as failure.
For so long, I had told myself that I was just constantly failing and I would say to my family, "I failed another relationship, and I failed this."
It was just this constant, I could just see myself as a big failure.
So, to be able to come out of that training and think, "You know what, it's all just feedback for me," and it was all just, "You know what, I am okay. I'm not a failure."
And look, it took me, still even after Foundations training, it still took me a long time to be able to kind of process that.
Because for so long, I've been saying, especially to my family, who I felt had a level of, it was their level of care but I felt a level of judgment of, "She's just failed another relationship," and that's how I felt.
So, to be able to kind of take away that message of, "No, I'm just constantly learning, but I still have to change 'cause I just can't keep going down these same tracks."
I'm taking my mind back to last year. Last year was probably the biggest year for me in terms of growth, and I sit here now and I can honestly look you in the eye and say I have an element of like self-trust, and that is something I have not had at all. And I'm still working on it. It's still, it's a work in progress.
Before I did my Foundations training and started this wonderful journey, I would've maybe intellectually known I needed to trust myself, but I had no idea what that meant. Were you the same?
Yeah. Self love and self trust. Like it was just, they were these words that get bantered around a bit.
Yeah, but it's ... Look, I'll be honest, it was only probably in the last maybe month that the penny dropped, that "I've got to start trusting myself," and that I'm okay, and that whatever happens ...
I can handle it. I'm actually going to be all right. So, yeah. It's pretty epic, actually.
And if that's the one thing that's kind of propelled me forward to now, now I'm starting to realize that I can start a business.
I think that's the main thing. I think there was a little bit of time where I was trying to push, push business. I wanted to go into the business side of it, and then I just went, "You know what, back this truck up, girl. Just go with it." And I did.
I gave myself time and I just learnt so much. Yeah. It's just, it's so warm and fuzzy.
"Last year was probably the biggest year for me in terms of growth, and I sit here now and I can honestly look you in the eye and say I have an element of like self-trust, and that is something I have not had at all. And I'm still working on it. It's still, it's a work in progress...”
What's life like now? Where are you at?
So, I'm in a beautiful relationship.
And we're living together. And that's lovely. I think what's also nice is there's always constant learning and growing together, but I feel like I'm in a head space where I can have those conversations.
I can instigate them or I can take whatever feedback onboard and not get defensive, or not ending up in an argument, or not running away, 'cause that's pretty much what I was doing.
And I feel like now, yeah, there's kind of a sense of calm and I have met someone who ... Yeah, who's just fantastic. It's a really nice feeling.
I think also on a personal level, I've kind of completely shifted my association with myself and my body, and who I am. And I suppose what I mean by that, if I can try and explain that, is for so long, I thought my body represented me, how I looked represented me, what shape I was in represented me.
I thought I always needed to look a particular way. I thought I needed to dress a particular way. I always was, I just thought that this physical external shell of my body was who I was.
And now I realize that it is just a vehicle for me, vehicle that transports who I truly am and it's taken me a fair amount of time to work that out. I've had a really big, negative association with food and body image since I was ... early 20s, maybe late teens.
So, for me, that is a huge, huge, huge turnaround.
So, it's a really, quite a fulfilling and a really nice feeling to be able to just not have that worry anymore.
What would you say to someone who's thinking about it?
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh, just get there. Just do it. You won't regret it. It will be one of the best decisions you will ever make.
You will learn so much about yourself and I can't speak highly enough about it, so just get there. Yeah.
Caitlin was having some problems within her personal life that led her to think that she was a failure. On the journey she took after her Foundations of Coaching Success she has come closer to discovering what self-love and self-trust means for her. She has also discovered that there is no failure only feedback.