Each couple looking to know how to keep your relationship strong under pressure needs to have closeness and space. A lot of people don't know how to ask for either.
One of the things we talk about at The Coaching Institute is you have to ask for what you need, but a lot of the time we feel guilty or bad about asking for what we want. People just don't do it, and they expect their partner to mind read them and guess what they need.
And, hands up how many of you can read minds? Yep. So ... there are frustrations, things unsaid and arguments created.
What makes a massive difference is knowing the basics of saying, "I need some time away right now" or "I need some time to be close right now" and being able to communicate those things makes a massive difference.
On the show, Ben described what happens in his own relationship sometimes. When he and his partner had a difference of opinion during the close proximity of COVID-19, it often felt like it escalated fast. He asked if you should try and park conflict and bring it up again at a later time.
He even shared that in the aftermath of a challenging exchange, he sometimes feels depressed.
I respected his honesty and his good question—which is also a big question.
My strategy is to take some time out. Take your hand off the emotional keyboard when you're angry. Because truth is the real thing we're angry about is usually not the thing that's happening.
There's usually something else underneath and we've got to get good at working out what the other thing or things are.