How to stay married during coronavirus when you live and work together

How to Save Your Relationship During Coronavirus

The Coaching Institute's Matt Lavars tells how couples living and working together can keep feeling the love.

Suddenly, couples with a regular 'see you after work' routine find themselves not just living together but also working on top of each other. Here's what you need to know about saving your marriage during coronavirus.

Matt Lavars, head trainer at The Coaching Institute, has had practice at this scenario. His partner also works at TCI, so he's an expert at the juggle of keeping relationships going when you see each other all the time.

"We're able to do this in quite a functional way," shares Matt.

"If this was a couple of years ago, I don't think I'd be able to to it in such a great way."

Let's go to the video tape for Matt's top tips on saving your marriage:

As Matt (a host at TCI's April 14-16 three day summit on How To Create A Thriving Home-Based Coaching Business) sees it, a healthy relationship needs two dynamics: closeness and space.

"A lot of people feel shame or guilt around one of those things. A lot of people when they get too close, they don't really like it," he says.

"So once they're a little too close they start rebelling or starting to argue. So too much closeness can be anxiety producing for some people.

Another common dynamic is when one one person "is really comfortable spending a lot of time away and their partner has lots of anxiety around the other person leaving," says Matt

When you live and work with someone, pretty much all you have is closeness, "although you can screw that up by starting to withdraw. You don't really talk to each other anymore, you stop being honest.

"When they say, 'What's wrong?' and you say 'Nothing', but you're actually pissed off.

Is this ticking any boxes with you about saving your marriage during coronavirus?

As Matt explained, he and his partner live and work together successfully by having "a time of closeness" at least once a day. They turn off the TV and chat about what's going on in each other's lives, or what each needs.

For want of a better phrase, "we're ticking a box of closeness."

Then they have time apart. They make music in different rooms, she phones her mother, he does his own thing. And both are okay with it.

So don't feel guilty about watching what you want on Netflix while your partner is learning a new language online or perfecting their virtual golf swing.

One key to saving your marriage during coronavirus is talking. It doesn't have to be serious. Have a laugh. Be silly. But also make sure you know how to ask for what you want.

"A lot of people don't do this so it's something that is really important to navigate with your partner," says Matt.

"Good luck creating the space that’s really going to give you space and light you up and keep you motivated."

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