The code to getting what you want in life is reciprocity

The code to getting what you want in life

People are always looking for ways to get what they want. Matt Lavars from The Coaching Institute shares his top tip for relationships, business and family.

The code to getting what you want in life is giving. Be prepared to give whatever it is you want to receive.

The world does not work in a way where it grants your desire for wanting something.

Wanting something is not enough. You're not entitled to have something just because you want it.

You have to deserve things. You have to earn then. And the way to do that is to give first.

It's called reciprocity.

The rule is that you must be willing to contribute to the world what is is you want to receive. This applies to absolutely every area of life.

Let's start with relationships and reciprocity.

In a relationship, you have two people and both want more love. Both want more understanding. Both want to be heard and listened to.

Both are standing with their arms crossed and backs to each other thinking, 'I wish they would listen.'

They're both thinking, 'All I want is more of such and such' but neither is willing to give it to the other.

If you follow the code to getting what you want in life, when you're in a relationship and you start giving what you want, you'll receive it simply through the act of giving.

If you want more understanding, go give more understanding.

If you want more love, go give more love to people and through the act of giving, you'll receive it. Trust me.

A lot of people never experience what they want in life, and it's because they're thinking about this the wrong way. They have their arms folded, and they're wishing, waiting and hoping for the world to give them what it is they want.

Eventually they become resentful of the people around them. They start to harden up. They start to close up to others because they think people aren't kind. They think they're not loving, so they start to see the world as unkind and unloving.

Of course, the world is a kind and loving place if you make it that way, if you live your life that way.

If you can centre your life around giving and love and contribution and sharing the things you would like to receive in the world, it's like that beautiful and powerful quote from Gandhi: "Be the person you want to see in the world."

It's the only way it can work.

In terms of the code to getting what you want in life, that's not how things work.

The way it works is you have to be what you want first.

You have to make a decision to be that in your body, to bring it in your nature. And don't just bring it for one person. Bring it for all people.

And when you are that, that's when you'll start to see it in the world.

Carl Jung said, 'You don't see the world the way it is, you see the world the way you are.'

Reciprocity is the same thing. Whatever you want to get in the world, give.

It's a fantastic way to live.

To hear more about changing your world and how to be a strong and effective leader in changing times, join TCI on June 13 for its first ever Disruptive Leadership telecast.

Matt Lavars is one of Australia's leading coaches, trainers and speakers, and head facilitator at The Coaching Institute. In between mentoring thousands of coaches and leaders all around Australasia and helping others build incredible culture, Matt is passionate about fitness and music. His healthy office lunches whipped up in five minutes are the stuff of legend.

Matt Lavars
Matt LavarsThe Coaching Institute