Your relationship with money affects your other relationships

What’s your relationship with money like?

Our feelings around finances are formed early and can shape how we deal with money forever. If you have a block around receiving it, here's how to get it flowing towards you.

What’s your relationship with money like?

If I asked most of you to talk about the most important relationships in your life, I’m guessing romance would come up. I’d hear about memorable first dates, anniversary beach trips, Sunday sleep ins, love that lasts through four kids and six decades.

Maybe I’d hear about the relationship you have with yourself, especially if you’ve done personal development work and are into meditation, gratitude and health and wellness.

But the one really important relationship which is often pushed to one side is your relationship with money, even though it has the same potential for toxicity or health in our lives. A 2015 report showed money is the No 1 cause of stress for adults and arguing about money early in a relationship has been found to be the top predictor of whether a couple stays married.

Financial wellness is a key part of how well and happy we feel overall, and it includes having the type of relationship with money that gives us feelings of satisfaction rather than stress.

So I really recommend you explore what is your relationship with money, especially if you’re a coach who hasn’t yet kicked over to that level of success you know you deserve.

When I say your relationship with money, I really mean what is your relationship like with receiving it.

Coaching seems to attract people who want to give and contribute, to make a difference if the lives of as many people as you possibly can. You give a lot inside your business, so I need to ask—are you okay to take?

Or maybe, do you have a block around receiving?

A lot of us form our beliefs around money as we grow up, and we learn it’s great to give, and you have to take care of everyone else before yourself, and it’s easy for that to translate into ‘give, but don’t take.’

Children can understand basic concepts around money by the age of three, according to a PBS report, which also found that by 7, their values around money are already set. Our early experiences around finances, like seeing fights over it and being rewarded by it, can trigger lifelong emotions including resentment, elitism or anxiety.

In a coaching business, I see those feelings manifest in coaches who are happy to take care of people but block the money side of things. I’ve ever seen people who are receiving pro bono services offer to pay but get turned down because the coach can’t deal with taking the money.

If you are already open to solving the financial side, fantastic—you will have the success you want because of your mindset. You are ready to realise the wealth coming your way.

When someone gives you a gift, it’s as much about the experience the giver gets when they hand over that great book, perfect pair of earrings of wedge of artisan cheese. It feels good to give things to others, and as a coach we are the provider of the service so we are the giver.

Sometimes our self worth is low when we start coaching and it says we’re not worthy of success. When I first began and I was paid $150 an hour, I felt like my stomach was going to turn over. It was so outside my world at the time. I had to allow the identity of who I was to catch up with who I was becoming as a successful coach.

To build beliefs that support you receiving, I recommend writing down statements like these and sticking them up as reminders.

  • Money is abundant
  • I am worthy of the success that’s coming my way
  • If I give, I will receive
  • I am always taken care of if my mindset is contribution
  • Money is choice
  • I am open to building wealth inside my life

These ideas can build healthy functional beliefs that will really serve you and help define what your relationship with money looks like.

If this has made you feel uncomfortable, maybe you're not ready to deal with your relationship with money, but it could also make you feel curious. I'll be exploring ideas like this about things that can get in the way of you creating your successful business at a one day global webinar called 'How To Attract New Clients & Build an Online Community of Raving Fans' on Saturday August 22.

Click the link here if you'd like to come along to the Ultimate Influence summit, and find out how to create the success you want. The good money related news? It's totally free.

Matt Lavars is one of Australia's leading coaches, trainers and speakers, and head facilitator at The Coaching Institute. In between mentoring thousands of coaches and leaders all around Australasia and helping others build incredible culture, Matt is passionate about fitness and music. His healthy office lunches whipped up in five minutes are the stuff of legend.

Matt Lavars
Matt LavarsThe Coaching Institute