The code to having more love in your life

Looking for more love, gratitude, compassion for you and others? Here's a strategy TCI teaches its students that will let you crack the code on having it all

There’s a major code to having more love in your life—and gratitude, and even compassion—and I’m going to share it with you.

I want you to know that the way you see other people and experience them directly impacts the relationships you have with yourself and ultimately how you feel.

There’s a strategy we share with our students that has changed thousands of lives. It’s the idea that we need to see our clients as whole and complete.

We don’t look at them as if they anything to fix. There is nothing broken although they might come to us and think they are. We are going to look at them through the lens of, ‘You have everything within you right now. I am going to help you and guide you to find that you don’t need anything outside of yourself.’

Because we see our clients that way, it helps them see themselves this way.

This is a very important standard to have when you are a coach or therapist, and we bring that into how we relate to everyone inside our lives.

Carl Jung said over 100 years ago that, ‘We don’t see the world as it is. We see the world as we are.’ Another way of saying this is that the relationship I have with myself is going to impact the relationship I have with you.

Dr Wayne Dyer said if you change the way you look at things, the things that you look at are going to change. I wonder if you’ve ever had a great day and you’re walking around and everyone else seems upbeat and as if they’re having a great day too.

On the other hand, you might be having a really average day and everyone around you seems to be getting in your way and giving you a hard time.

The way that I think about you and the people around me, the view that I have on you is going to impact not just my relationship with you but my relationship with myself.

I remember when I first learned this I was on public transport in Melbourne, travelling and looking around and judging everyone, how the looked, how they seemed, while in my head thinking I myself was awesome.

Then I applied the learning, and thought if I’m judging them, I am judging myself. So, okay, I better stop judging others because I don’t want the judgement.

Then to take it to the next level, I asked what do I really want? And the answer was the same as everyone—love.

So to get love from other people, you have to love them. Give whatever it is you want to receive. That is the major code to life and love.

If you want it, give it.

When I learned this, I thought, ‘This is amazing. I have the power to feel more love by simply giving more love. By giving more kindness. Through seeing greatness and the potential in others, I can start to see the greatness and potential in myself.

That is the major code to how to have more love, more gratitude and ultimately more compassion for ourselves and others in life.


One of Australia's leading coaches, trainers and speakers, and head facilitator at The Coaching Institute. In between mentoring thousands of coaches and leaders all around Australasia and helping others build incredible culture, Matt is passionate about fitness and music. His healthy office lunches whipped up in five minutes are the stuff of legend

Matt Lavars life coaching
Matt LavarsThe Coaching Institute