Feel to Heal: The Stages of Inner Work

People are either revolving or evolving.

They are either repeating the patterns and problems of the past and in turn, living life on repeat. Or, they are learning from their experience and evolving, into a deeper more fuller version of themselves.

The reason so many people, despite really trying, stay with the same problems is that they stay in the world of thoughts and don't know how to access how they feel.

To change a pattern or problem, we must be able to connect thoughts and feelings.

Through being able to articulate the problem, with language that allows us to express how we feel about it. We can change it and actually heal.

To heal, first, we must feel what we have been suppressing, ignoring, hiding or distracting ourselves from.

A lot of people intellectualise their pain. They completely 'understand' their messed-upness, but... can't seem to move through it.

Trapped emotions will cause stress, anxiety, lower our energy and in a lot of people cause back pain and illness.

There is no belief change or quick fix technique that can replace simply feeling and accepting our pain.

When we feel it, we can heal it. For good.

We can set our feelings free, simply by embracing them like we would embrace a small child. Sit there and be with them. Without judgment or the need to fix. Just hold them with love.

It's important to know

We suppress feelings because we are not ready for them. It's a natural response to defend. We suppressed them because at the time, they were too painful to feel.

But when they surface, they surface because we are now ready to experience them. It's our bodies way of saying "You are ready, you have got this".

There are no feelings that are 'too much'. Although it may feel that way at times, it's just not possible.

We are completely designed to feel all our feelings.

Even the crap ones...

Loneliness... Abandonment... Awkwardness... Ugliness... Self-consciousness... Scared... Worthless...

When we heal pain, these are just some of the feelings that are coming our way...

We don't heal through our good times, running away or drinking, we heal through accepting our "stuff".

Through accepting our "stuff", we come out of the shadows and we allow the light to shine.

So how do we feel to heal?

Name the feeling

Use the list of feelings available in this blog as a reference and find the word for the feeling you have. Naming the feeling gives us clarity. If we can language it, we can fully experience it.

Own the feeling

Instead of blaming others for our feelings, connect with the truth that the feeling we have comes from inside. No one can make us feeling anything. We choose how we respond. Owning that the feeling is our own and no one else’s responsibility is the precursor to acceptance, change and empowerment.

Feel the feeling

Feel the feeling without guilt or shame. The only reason we want to avoid a feeling is due to the times we experienced guilt or shame around the feeling. Know the guilt or shame comes from our conditioning. We hid the feelings for good reason when we were developing. It was too much to experience the feelings fully at that age. We are now neurologically designed and capable to experience the feeling fully and be ok. The feelings are parts of us to accept. And as we do, we reclaim our energy. You have got this.

Let it be and let it go

Once we remove the resistance to the feeling we allow it to be. Feelings are designed to be fleeting. It may last for hours and it may last for a minute. There is no rule here except to accept and allow. Connect with the feeling as if it’s part of you and be there with the feeling like you would be there for a child.

What feelings are available to you? 

AFFECTIONATE: compassionate, friendly, loving, open hearted, sympathetic, tender, warm

ENGAGED: absorbed, alert, curious, engrossed, enchanted, entranced, fascinated, interested, intrigued, involved, spellbound, stimulated

HOPEFUL: expectant, encouraged, optimistic

CONFIDENT: empowered, open, proud, safe, secure

EXCITED: amazed, animated, ardent, aroused, astonished, dazzled, eager, energetic, enthusiastic, giddy, invigorated, lively, passionate, surprised, vibrant

GRATEFUL: appreciative, moved, thankful, touched

INSPIRED: amazed, awed, wonder

JOYFUL: amused, delighted, glad, happy, jubilant, pleased, tickled

EXHILARATED: blissful, ecstatic, elated, enthralled, exuberant, radiant, rapturous

PEACEFUL: calm, clear headed, comfortable, centred, content, equanimous, fulfilled, mellow, quiet, relaxed, relieved, satisfied, serene, still, tranquil, trusting

REFRESHED: enlivened, rejuvenated, renewed, rested, restored, revived, thrilled

To anyone that is going through healing right now, I salute you. You are a champion. Remember, our feelings are NOT facts. When we experience something we have been hiding it may feel like a storm has hit you... remember... you are ok. Completely ok.

You can handle it.

Allow yourself to go through it, without resistance.

Talk to us in the comments below!

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