Give and Give – Get it?
It was one of the major reasons I was attracted to TCI
Some of my happiest early memories are of my best friend's mother suggesting each weekend we make some perfume for Mrs Cross or draw a picture of the garden, how about picking a posy of flowers? I got an early dose of significance as her eyes would always light up when we came and she'd delight in dabbing on our floury water with squashed flowers in it. It was many years later all these "relatives" we visited were lonely, elderly women with no family. Mrs Targett would take us to visit to be kind, grateful and present. She was the most beautiful S energy always thinking of a way to make someone smile simply because she had a beautiful soul who saw the beauty in others, and how a simple gesture can make a world of difference to someone.
I don't know how new this give and give mentality is. I do know it was one of the major reasons I was attracted to TCI. Three years in I continue to love our community so much because it's so deeply embedded in our culture. I mean who's ever heard SP say "hang on, what's in it for me?" Sharon, Joe, Fiona, Matt and all the team continue to give and search for even more ways to give! Seeing their continuing success I'm pretty comfortable SP's on the money when she says "look after others and don't ask me how but you'll be taken care of." Pardon the paraphrasing.
Think of successful people in your life you're attracted to. Are they stingy with their ideas? Secretive and evasive? Of course not. We're attracted to and want to hang with people who give their knowledge, respect and kindness freely, they share an idea, a possible new angle to a challenge with a smile.
I recently read an article by Sean Blanda who stated when it comes to when and how we help others, most of us fit into one of three categories;
- Givers, who help others unconditionally, demanding nothing in return.
- Matchers, who usually only help those who have helped them.
- Takers, those who demand help but never offer.
Interestingly, he suggests givers are usually either at the top or bottom of their chosen field with matchers and takers in the middle. At first I thought why on earth would they be on the bottom? That doesn't make sense? And then I remembered me before I joined TCI. I gave because of a lack of self worth, that I might be accepted if I give more. It was some deep reflection and high quality brain frying with Meta Dynamics I began to learn and create a new language around what giving truly means.
Well I'm still learning of course, aren't we all?
So what are some thoughts we can play with around giving?
- Always have an insatiable curiosity about how you can make someone's life easier or better. Coming from a place of love it's easy to think of ways to make someone’s day. I truly believe in the ripple effect that maybe one day soon, in a similar situation they'll help someone else too because we really all are one big village.
- Think ahead, anticipate opportunities to WOW. I have an absolutely fabulous Gen Y BDO that I work with. He's consistently surprising our team with thinking ahead and outside the box. He's a pleasure to work with because he starts most sentences with "thought you'd need this and I've done xyz too thinking you'd need that too"
- Ask if it's of interest first. I admit I've had a few over excited moments post TCI trainings where I desperately want to share the gold from a training. Avoid possible indulgent moments and check if they actually want what you have to give! Not everyone's ready for what you may think is a great share. Give where appropriate.
- Share with everyone, not just clients. The most successful people I see don't just give in expectation of getting something in return. Give insights, learnings, highlights, gratitude, a kind word to anyone where appropriate. We are one big community. If we all do this, we'll all grow even more together.
- Give recognition and acknowledgement often! A research report by B Nelson found that 78% of staff indicated that it was very or extremely important to be recognised by their managers when they do good work. Why just from managers? We can all jump on this easily and effortlessly through all aspects of our daily life.
- Mentor someone new to the game. Do you remember what it was like to be the newbie? Remember the feeling of gratitude to that person that reached out? Pay it forward! It's the ultimate compliment to your mentor, the easiest way to build your language and experience and spread the ripples!
- If you're holding on tight to what you know, are you learning enough? Read one book on a topic and yes, you may be worried you'll run out of content. That can lead to a scarcity mentality, so read more, learn more. SP's the most generous person I've met. Where do you think it comes from? I believe it's her absolute conviction on the value she can and will continue to contribute as she continues to learn. She's the master at learn, implement and teach, consistently. Seems to me the people that give the most work bloody hard to master their chosen field and know they have a tonne to give and keep giving.
- Check in with what feedback you're getting. What are people saying about you? Not just clients, your colleagues, friends and family? No feedback is feedback too team.
Take this half way mark in the year as a chance to do a healthy spot check. Are you a taker, a matcher or a giver? Where would you like to sit and what action can you take today to get closer to living and sharing your extraordinary life?
