Life Coaching to Achieve Your Dreams
Someone once said to me that the difference between someone who achieves their goals and the person who doesn’t is who is prepared to pay the price.
We can get what we want, as long as we’re prepared to do the things needed to get it, or, more importantly, change our thinking so we can experience it.
What this means is that most people could achieve their goals if they were willing to pay the priceof changing their thinking. We experience the world not as it is, but as we are. Believe in a world of lack, and that is what you will experience. Believe in a world of abundance and you’ll notice that.
So the price to pay is changing how we see ourseves. Self-doubt, fear and procrastination are complete life wasters. Most of us have little to fear except a perception of a world that is somehow not safe, but the truth is, the world is, for most of us, very safe.
If we live in a country where we are fortunate to set goals then we are most likely reasonably safe. We have the luxury of a polce force, safe streets, schools and jobs. So what is there to be afraid of?
If you’re not achieving your dreams then perhaps you don’t see the world as safe. You are fearful of - judgement, loss, lack, rejection, not being enough, not succeeding, failing, responsibility….
All of these fears represent how we don’t really trust ourselves. It’s not the world we fear, but us. We fear that we won’t be up to it, so we compromise, think small and hide behind being busy so we don’t have to face the fear of our own inadequacies.
And have a life half lived, and then the regrets.
There are SO many examples of people who have paid the ultimate price for their goals and dreams - they believed in themselves, or were at least willing to see what they were really capable of. The price they paid was to sacrifice their fears for a shot at their dreams.
This seems like a small price to pay when we think of the alternative.
I’m writing this blog at the end of an NLP training where everyone in the room has paid the price this training by absolutely going for it! They are learning something that can only be known through action - that the price isn’t that expensive after all.
NLP is All About You
We’re in the middle of an NLP Practitioner certification training and everyone is doing great - because theyget that NLP is no more powerful than a piece of string, unless they bring themselves to it.
Neuro linguistic programming is about discovering subjective experience and asking ourselves if this experience is useful or functional, and if not, how do we change it so it is.
For example, one participant came to the training with a phobia - a VERY strong phobia of caves and small places. their subjective experience, or their perception of small places was extremely negative. It was affecting their life, their holidays and their levels of happiness, because the fear was always there.
Using an NLP technique called Logical Levels, the phobia was completely gone in around ten minutes. Afterwards they couldn’t remember why they were on the stage and what all the fuss was about.
So what was reality? The phobia or not the phobia? SUbjective experience was changed, and so they changed how they experience the world.
Now they experience their world differently, they’ll notice different things, instead of taking up room in their thoughts and feelings with the anxiety they are free to use that space for more functional things, whatever they may be for them.
How we experience the world is only one version of “reality”. There are endless versions of “reality”. This person had one version and now has another. Which is accurate?
In NLP, we ask “who drives the bus”. Meaning, who is in charge of your brain, and therefore your choices? You are. By using NLP, especially its attitude of responsibility, we can experience any version of “reality” we choose. It would make sense then to program a version of our reality that is highly useful, functional, and whilst we’re at it, fun!
I started this blog with saying NLP is nothing without the operator. NLP can’t change your world. You can change your world by using the techniques.
So far this training we’ve - helped someone know trust, let go of an anxiety about authority, dumped chocolate (!), go excited about study, let go of concerns about a past negative event, laughed uproarously at an old phobia and changed the colour of a car for fun. (We changed it back.) All of this is possible not because of NLP but because of what we do with it.
If you’re a student of NLP and wondering if it will work, change the question to “How do I work it” and see what happens.
The Price we Pay for Feeling Safe
Procrastination is a habit that stops people living the life of their dreams - it can be such a habit that it stops people even living a decent life!
I spoke to someone today who would rather feel safe than change, because they perceived the pain of changing greater than the pain or disappointment of staying the same.
They’re in a job they don’t like, but they would rather stay than risk the steps it would take to change this.
The craziness is, they’ve been doing the same thing for five years!
If nothing changes, nothing changes. Someone who procastinates is trying to keep themselves safe from the disappointment of being let down, or safe from the fear of the responsbility that comes with change. Either way, they stay safe.
People who procrastinate think that they will be happy if they stay safe. This simply isn’t the case. The longer we stay still, the less happy we become. Almost as if the energy is just sucked out of us.
To feel happy, we must be growing and contributing to our community (community includes family). If we don’t grow or contribute, we wither.
Yet, still some people hang onto staying still, as if by moving they will rock the boat too much and get wet.
The ONLY way to feel good about ourselves is through action. No one got happy sitting and wishing things were better.
Even if it’s a little step each day, it’s action. It counts. It stores credits in your self-esteem account, and you start to feel energised and positive about you.
Little courageous steps towards a dream are empowering, uplifting and worthy of our praise. Too many people sit on the sidelines and critique the efforts of those who are having a go. If you see someone going for it, even if it’s in little tiny steps, take your hat off to them - they are worthy of our praise.
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Focus - Get it or Stay in Mediocrity
A student just phoned me and said “I don’t know how to get focused.” Hmmm… Bit of a chat… turns out they were procrastinating about getting started, and labelled it something else so they didn’t have to tell themselves they were procrastinating!
I believe that what we focus on is what we get, to the exclusion of everything else. If we focus on how we are confused, we’ll get more confusion. Focus on our strengths, we’ll experience more of our strengths. We are our own self-fulfilling prophecy hotline!
Focus on what you are good at, and use gentle and empowering language. How does that feel?
Not switch to criticising yourself and use harsh tones. Notice the difference!
How we experience our world is determined by where we choose to focus - we have SO many choices about where we can focus - those who love us, who we love, what we enjoy, what’s
The Purpose of Life Isn’t Clarity!
The purpose of life is not clarity. We are not here to “get it”. We are not here to make sense of it all, or have little boxes in our minds about topics so we can feel safe because we understand.
If you seek clarity, you don’t seek all the other opportunities of what life has to offer. Clarity wants to avoid chaos, yet I know the greatest coaching moments can be experienced in moments of chaos, and where a client explores, perhaps for the first time, what it means to let go and let it go.
Clarity is simply information gathering. It’s another word for encyclopedia, unless we act as a result of our clarity.
The world doesn’t need more encyclopedias, it needs more people taking action, moving in the direction of their dreams and fighting for what they believe in.
The world can always use more of that!
The Keys to Marketing Your Practice
I spoke to a graduate today who is only making $2,000 each month - and they say they do EVERYTHING to make it happen!
I know that we sometimes think we’re doing everything, the reality is, when we do lots to get results and not much happens, it’s one of two things -
(1) It’s going to happen - you’re moments away from success!
(2) It’s not what you’re doing - it’s how you do it - and just doing more of what won’t work isn’t going to make it happen!
And I bet you know which category you’re in.
How you think is everything in marketing. No matter how many times you put yourself out there, if you put you out there with a lack of self-confidence and limiting beliefs about money, you’re going to get frustrated. Just like this graduate was!
Think of who you admire and what they think. If you don’t know what they think, imagine, based on what you know about them, what they might think.
They believe in themselves.
They see huge value in what they offer.
They know they create their reality, their reality doesn’t create them.
Everything is an opportunity to improve.
Results come through constant and never ending improvement, not doing the same thing a whole bunch of times.
Their confidence builds confidence in their clients.
They attract outstanding clients because they are being outstanding.
They find a way.
They find a way even when it looks tough.
They don’t say “I should…” because they are too busy actually doing the thing!
Pause and ask yourself, “Am I being all I can be as a coach and leader in my community?” If the answer causes you to wonder, then you need to play a better - different - game.
Change does not happen by chance. It happens because we change. If nothing changes, nothing changes, so you MUST be the change you want to see.
Enough of the coach-isms!
Your results are because of your thinking. You must look to yourself before you externalise your lack of results as being due to the market.
Successful coaches sit in the same training room with coaches who struggle to build a practice, so it isn’t the training! It’s how we make decisions, how we process what’s occurring and how we make sense of out world that determines our results.
Success is achievable for you even more - by changing how you think about you.
NLP Five Step Sales Process
Sales mastery is a key part of any consultative business, including coaching, training and facilitation. Yet for many people there is a preference to be an expert in their field, and then to avoid selling their expertise. I’m sure there are thousands of experts in the field of NLP that no one knows about, because they haven’t learnt how to sell effectively.
The NLP Five Step Sales Process is a simple methodology for getting clients to say yes to your expertise.
Step One
Build rapport - Match and mirror -
Physiology
Tonality
Breathing
Words
Step Two
Ask questions
For what purpose do you want this?
What’s important to you about a relationship such as this?
What are you looking to achieve?
What would be an outstanding outcome for you as a result of us working together?
What timeframe do you have for this to be completed?
What will it give you that you don’t currently have?
Step Three
Find a need
Where are you at currently?
Where do you want to be?
What’s the gap as you see it?
What’s the best result that can be achieved? Has it ever been achieved?
What’s missing? What’s not working?
What is working?
What will this give you>
Step Four
Link the need to you
If we can do this, is that going to give you what you need?
What would happen if…”
How important is service to you throughout this?
Step Five
Close
Always ask for the business!
I think we have a solution now, how about we look at taking care of some paperwork so we can get this started?
This looks like the solution we wanted - how about we go with this and then review it in 90 days?
Life Coaching
Life Coaching is one of the fastest growing businesses in the world, as it provides a great platform for homebased business, gets results and is personally rewarding. Life Coaches come from all walks of life and share some common attributes - a willingness to learn, an ability to listen and a curiosity about human behviour.
Becoming a life coach takes a level of self-awareness that is enhanced through training, practice and feedback. We need to know how to overcome procrastination, fears and limiting beliefs and then turn learning into action.
The first steps is to train - champions are made in training, not at the big events - so we need to take the first steps towards mastery and learn the foundations to coaching effectiveness. This combined with practice and ongoing feedback provides a strong and effective model of learning for coaching students.
NLP is growing in popularity
NLP - Neuro linguistic programming - is growing in popularity as more and more people come to realise its power and effectiveness as a personal development tool. Self-awareness, understanding and the ability to create rapid change becomes available with these skills. It takes a sense of humour, an ability to make connections, a willingness to challenge limits in people’s experience to truly be a practitioner of NLP.
It’s not - psychology, a way of working out “why” someone does what they do, or a “one hat fits all” approach to change.
It is - a structure for discovering how someone does something and how to change it if it doesn’t get the results they want.
It is - a way of thinking that increases the opportunity to improve our results.
It is - a playful way to create change that counts.
Defined as the study of subjective experience, it’s one of the most advanced forms of coaching there is, along with giving its practitioners an amazing boost to their personal and professional growth.
Hello world!
Hello and welcome to the first blog from The Coaching Institute - brought to you to enhance the coaching and NLP community, expand our understanding of all things coaching and assist each other to be outstanding coaches.